Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
