So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm at about main and main street
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
