At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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