i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
