I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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