He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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