I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
