I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
