I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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