i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
