im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
