im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Welp...herpes.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
