I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
