WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
