I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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