peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
