im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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