The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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