I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
