Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
