Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
