So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
