i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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