apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
