I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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