Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
