Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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