he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
