I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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