i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
