When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Blood and glitter go together right?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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