Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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