He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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