How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
