Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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