I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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