I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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