Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
