At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I need a burrito and a hug.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
