I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
