I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm bleeding and have questions
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