Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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