Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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