I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
