Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
