Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
