I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Everyone says I win the strip club
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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