Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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