Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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