dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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