gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
