i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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